Universe Board Minutes for November 2023

Janice Konstantinidis
2 min readNov 6, 2023

Location: Interstellar Conference Room, currently orbiting the third moon of Zog, nestled within the spirals beyond the Orion Nebula.

Attendees:

  • Cosmic Arbiter: Spokesentity for all cosmic clusters in this quadrant. Renowned for their attire made entirely of starlight and a quirky obsession with astronomical puns. Known to occasionally disappear into a personal black hole of thoughts.
  • Emissary of the Outer Realms: Voice for galaxies beyond the known universe. Notoriously arrives centuries late due to wormhole traffic jams and always appears as a slightly delayed hologram, courtesy of quantum entanglement issues.

Agenda:

  • Key Topic: Planet Earth, also whimsically referred to in interstellar circles as “The Experiment Gone Awry.”

Minutes:

Opening Quips:

  • The Grand Cosmic Arbiter initiated proceedings with a joke about dark matter that was so dense it nearly swallowed the meeting.
  • Emissary of the Outer Realms shimmered into existence, apologizing for the millennium-long delay, cheekily blaming a mischievous black hole for rerouting their cosmic GPS.

The Earth Enigma:

  • Chaos Chronicles: The Earth report, longer than the lifespan of a supernova, humorously highlighted humanity’s uncanny talent for disorder and drama.
  • Deity Dilemma: The board mused over Earth’s diverse deities, ranging from traditional gods to the modern worship of handheld devices and coffee.
  • Harmony Hurdles: The board erupted in laughter over a whimsical proposal to replace global leaders with cats to assess peace potential, citing their exemplary napping policies.
  • Consensus Conundrum: Earthlings’ evolving self-awareness, now more engrossed in digital personas than universal understanding, sparked an interstellar debate filled with baffled head-shaking.

Planetary Preservation:

  • Eco-Alarm: Concerns were raised over Earth’s ecological blunders. A resolution was humorously passed to dispatch a comet with a neon sign flashing “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle — Or Else!”
  • A Very Stable Genius: The board pondered over the enigmatic, orange-hued elder male, perplexing many a cosmic observer. Plans were jocularly proposed to send a disguised golf ball as an intergalactic envoy for peace negotiations.

Concluding Cosmic Comedy:

  • The Grand Cosmic Arbiter wrapped up with a whimsical reminder of Earth’s enduring charm as a cosmic comedy show and its potential as an interstellar sitcom.
  • Next assembly’s speculative subject: “Intelligent Life on Earth: Myth or Reality? Or Just a Really Long Running Joke?”

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Janice Konstantinidis

I am a lover of fine cheese, my dogs, my garden, knitting, photography, writing and more!