Self-worth and Childhood Trauma

An Exposition

Growing up with an alcoholic father, and later, raised by aging and highly resentful grandparents, experiencing familial violence and other trauma, profoundly affected my ability to understand and process my world and myself. I lacked the skills to fully experience, understand, or articulate the implications of events around me from early childhood. In an environment where critical thinking was neither taught nor encouraged, I absorbed various situations without truly grasping their impact, sometimes with disastrous outcomes.

I lacked a sense of self-worth. The idea of valuing myself was alien to me, and this was reinforced daily in my interactions with my family at home. Daily life felt like a series of motions without direction or purpose. I was constantly criticized and told I was a burden by my grandparents, who thought it was their duty to raise me. No one guided me or highlighted the unique qualities that made me special. Consequently, I did not project any self-worth or believe in my potential. I had no idea what that was, nor could I imagine my future.

I endured frequent physical beatings in addition to emotional neglect, which led to a deep fear. I constantly feared objects being thrown at me or being told it would be better for all, if I was never born. This constant state of fear and physical pain deepened my sense of worthlessness and helplessness. I learned to navigate my surroundings with heightened anxiety, always bracing for the next violent episode.