Killing Two Birds With One Stone - A Muriel Chronicle

Janice Konstantinidis
2 min readFeb 8, 2024

Killing Two Birds With One Stone -
A Muriel Chronicle

In the serene setting of a back garden, Muriel and her Aunt Floss found themselves embroiled in the high-stakes world of tea drinking and garden-admiring. “Oh, the splendor of these spring bulbs!” Muriel exclaimed, her eyes twinkling with admiration.

Aunt Floss responded with the pride of a cat who’d just learned to text, “Indeed, my dear. I’ve tended to them with the singular efficiency of using one hose attachment for both fertilizing and watering. Killed two birds with one stone, I did.”
At this, Muriel, ever the advocate for avian rights and linguistic modernization, chimed in, “You know, Aunt Floss, I reckon it’s high time we gave our dusty old sayings a bit of a facelift. For instance, that bit about avian homicide with minimal effort — you wouldn’t harm a feather on their little heads! Look at your bird baths and feeders; you’re practically the Mother Teresa of the bird world.”

“Oh, heavens no!” Aunt Floss exclaimed, clutching her pearls (which were, in fact, from a buy-one-get-one-free deal). “It’s merely a figure of speech, my dear.”
“But think of the cruelty,” Muriel pressed on. “Many of these sayings are about as palatable as a sandwich without mayo. It’s time they were retired, like old racehorses or politicians.”

Aunt Floss, who’d been slurping her tea with the decorum of a malfunctioning vacuum…



Janice Konstantinidis

I am a lover of fine cheese, my dogs, my garden, knitting, photography, writing and more!